Amid the back-to-school rush, it’s easy to overlook your teen’s mental health. Your teen could seem busier and happier than ever with schoolwork, practice, tryouts, college applications, an after-school job, fun school events, and catching up with friends. But behind their smile, they could be keeping a secret about their mental health.

According to the latest youth risk behavior survey from the CDC, 40% of teenagers say they feel constantly sad or hopeless. Even though your teen’s schedule might be packed, seeing how they think is essential. Checking in can give you insight into how your teen feels and may alert you to problems as they arise. Here are a few simple tips for healthily opening that teen mental health conversation!

Is it Angst? Or Signs Your Teen is Having Trouble?

So let’s dive into it: when should you be concerned about your teen’s mental health? Of course, deciding when to speak with them is up to you. But if you notice any of the following changes in their behavior, it’s always a good time to check in:

Changes in their eating, sleeping, or self-care habits
Persistent signs of sadness or withdrawal
Extreme mood swings or irritability
A new fearfulness or aversion to specific environments, or social interactions
Drugs or alcohol usage, including changes in typical use patterns
Difficulty with or neglect of essential self-care, personal hygiene, etc.
Getting in fights or suddenly not getting along with others
A sudden increase in reckless, impulsive, out-of-control behaviors

Even if you don’t notice the above signs, trusting your gut is essential. Even if you think some of your child’s behavior may be ascribed to “normal teenage angst,” it’s important to err on the side of caution. Trust yourself and talk to your child to discover what might happen!

Mental Health Conversation Tips for You and Your Teen:

If you’re looking for a place to start when speaking with your teen about mental health, we’ve got you covered. Here are some tips to have this sometimes-difficult conversation with your child, who might be reluctant to share:

Avoid overly declarative language

Spend more time listening than talking. Avoid making declarations about what you hear. Comments that suggest a judgment about your child’s emotions, like saying they’re “overly anxious” or “too angry,” can cause your child to withdraw preemptively. Instead of prodding them, describe what you observe and ask follow-up questions about your observations. For example, see the difference in “You seem very upset about your friends’ behavior. Can you tell me more about what upsets you about what they’re doing?”

Ask open-ended questions

Phrase your questions so they require more than a one-word answer. Instead of asking, “Are things okay with your friend Sharon?” ask, “How are things going with your friend Sharon lately? I noticed that you haven’t been talking to her as much.” You may still get a one-word answer, but it’s less likely with an open-ended question.

Make sure you are not minimizing

Your child may be distressed by things that seem like small matters to you. Still, to a teen, feeling left out of a friend group, dealing with a broken heart, or stressing over a test can be distressing. No matter the circumstances, your child’s emotions are valid. Treating them as such can make your child more likely to open up to you.

Connecting With Your Child: Making It a Healthy Habit

Once you connect with your child for a mental health check-in, it’s important to make it a habit. The teen years can be highly stressful and exciting, and your child will probably see some dramatic changes in those few short years. Regularly connecting with your child on this deeper level can set you both up for a bright future!

Back to School: How to Support Your Teen’s Mental Health